When I started this blog I thought I would be writing every week or at least every two weeks, but my illness got in the way. 2022 started with a major relapse of my post-covid symptoms, one I found almost impossible to overcome. I wasn’t able to do much of anything at all. I could hardly walk, couldn’t concentrate for more than three minutes, couldn’t find words (just normal, ordinary words); it was useless. I felt useless. I found myself wondering, is this it? Is this what my life is going to be from now on? I spent most of my days in bed and on the sofa. I only went out of the house to take the dog out for a walk with my scooter. I was gaining weight, losing even more muscle and feeling lonely and depressed. I was in a downward spiral and I was very aware of it, but didn’t know how to stop it. Or did I?
It was a remark someone made about overcoming creative block that made me realise: it all starts with just showing up. So, I dragged myself over to the studio and just sat there at first. I started sticking some images and patterns in my journal. The next day I added words and created some poetry. In the weeks after that I made some collages. I bought a gel plate and got hooked on it. And I started to feel better, because I had made something. This was what I needed. This was and is my medicine. How could I forget?
Since then I am doing a lot better. I started a new therapy which is very helpful. I have more energy and I’m walking more and farther each day. I’ve also been more open about my feelings toward my loved ones, instead of keeping it all in and ‘staying strong’. Things are looking up and I spend more and more time making art. I even caught myself thinking about the future and making plans. 🙂